Manifestation.
It sounds like a foreign concept in today's society. But is it? Over the past year I have been trying to manifest the life I want-writing down my goals, my desires, and the things I am grateful for. Some days I would sit with my paper and array of colorful markers and pour it all out: what I want to feel, what I want to create, what I hope the next chapter brings. Other days, I don't write at all. I just think about it- silently counting the good moments from the day, feeling grateful for the small wins, or picturing the kind of future I want to step into.
For me, the future would blend everything I love: art, creativity, and a little bit of Disney magic, and if at all possible, the flexibility of remote work. I can almost see it, designing from the comfort of my home, dogs lying beside me, using my skills to bring joy to others while still feeling connected to the things that inspire me the most. Winning the mega millions wouldn't be a bad alternative.
But this year hasn't been easy. I lost Indy, and that loss broke me in was I wasn't prepared for. The quiet in the house felt unbearable at times- until Colby and Winnie came along. They don't replace Indy, but they filled a space I didn't realize needed filling. Their presence brings laughter, warmth, and a reminder that love doesn't end- it changes shape.
I also made a shift in my career. I loved my job and fully intended to stay for a long time, the kids, the creativity, the rhythm of it all- but I was struggling mentally. It's hard to give your heart to a system that doesn't value its people. Leaving wasn't easy, but it was necessary. Now, I'm in a position that gives me more flexibility, less stress, and more time at home. It's the kind of peace I didn't realize I was missing.
This year has also brought other challenges. As you know, mom was sick for a while, and that uncertainty was terrifying. Thankfully, we finally have answers and clearer path forward. I was hurt both physically and emotionally but now I am healing- slowly but surely. And as some friendships have faded for my family, I've realized they weren't meant to last forever. Letting go made space for peace, perspective, and the realization that every connection isn't meant to be permanent.
This month is a trying month. It's just a lot of extra work. We are exhausted, the kids are exhausted. But I see all of the good things this month has brought. A new roof just in time for winter, great scores for the band students at competitions, a costume contest win, healed concussions, and Halloween decorations that bring the passerby's a smile. When I look back at my personal and professional experiences this month, there are so many things to be thankful for.
Through all of this, I've noticed something about manifesting. It doesn't protect you from the pain, annoyances, or stress but helps you find purpose in it. It reminds you to keep your heart open, even when life feels heavy. It's not about asking the universe what you want- it's about trusting the process, even when that journey looks different than you had imagined.
So, I keep going. I keep believing in the seeds I've planted-in my writing, my thoughts- because they're still growing. Even when I can't see them yet. Even when I'm asking the universe if it even hears me. I hold onto gratitude for what is, and a faith in what's coming.
Because even in them mess, there's beauty in the becoming.